I know, I know...

Sooooo, it's been awhile since my last note to you. Somewhere around 4 1/2 months. I know this because you, my sweet little girl, are crying upstairs and you are about that age. Your Mom has said that I should change the name of this blog to deadbeatdad.com. She's not funny. So I thought it was time to get my two cents in and actually write to you.

For those who say it's not that bad being a first time parent... they're lying, it's miserable. I say this as lovingly as possible (YES believe your Mother as she's explaning to you as you read this that I didn't do much, she's right). If I was a single dad, you would probably cry a lot more, because when Daddy sleeps, he doesn't hear much. There have been numerous occasions when I would wake in the morning and roll over to you Mom and say "Leah was really good last night, she didn't wake up at all!" and I would get the reply "she was awake every two hours... Thanks for the HELP!" I was at least dreaming that you were asleep!

A lot has changed since you have come to this world. You have been recently baptised, which I think is pretty cool and you have started to become a very funny little girl. I was a little worried initially because you cried... A lot! Your Mom assured me that this was a phase, but a phase in my mind should last an hour, not 3 months. I want you to know that I never stopped loving you during these times, it is actually amazing because I really thought your sad face was kind of cute. I have to admit, it is very hard to see you crying and I hope I don't see a lot of it when you are growing up. Thankfully this has subsided and you are becoming a very happy and talkative little one. I carry on complete conversations with you and fortunately for me you agree with everything I say!

I will never spoil you (ha) but it's pretty remarkable how quickly you wrapped me around your finger. Making you smile and laugh is the greatest joy I see on a daily basis... that and trying to keep your Mama happy. I hope I can continue to do this as you grow older and gain life experiences. I want to be there for you in everything and I hope you will always share with me what is going on in your life, but I'm sure the aggreance that we share will soon subside.

Dad

Learn to share... And fast!

Baby Tank,

So I am here in the hospital next to your mama. She is definitely in some pain, but she is the toughest woman I know. I hope you know how much I love your Mom, and I want you to know how strong she is. I am confident that we will see your beautiful face before this day is over!

Your Mom's water broke at about 1:15am on 9/16/2011. I know this because she abruptly awoke me telling me just that. She also persisted on knowing what time it was, as if that had any bearing on your flight to the light. The funny thing is, neither of us panicked. Your Mother freshened up (yes at 2:00 am), and I took a shower and packed my bag. It is now 4:45 am and we have been at the hospital since about 2:30 am. Obviously, I am really excited.

I have always thought about what your deliverance day would be like... Would it be nerve racking and slow or would it be a quick delivery? I guess that question is still yet to be answered.

I do know this, we both better be able to share our birthdays! I was born on this day a long 29 years ago. I hope I can give you a great life like your Grandma and Grandpa gave me, but more importantly I hope I can help you be a better person than I was.

I hope we are both ready for this! I am sure ready to see your face!

Love you and good travels!!!!

Dad

Definitely Ready... I think... Maybe

So it's been awhile since I've written you.  Definitely not because I haven't thought of you.  A lot has changed in the last couple of months.  For one, your Mother prays everyday for you to pop your little head into this world.  She gets really upset when I tell her that you are comfortable and you need to grow a little more!  She thinks I only say that becuase I don't want to meet you which is definitely not true.  I told your Mom that you are at least 30% effaced, which I though meant your face was starting to poke out, so we should at least be able to see the color of your eyes... she immediately explained the real meaning and I was dead wrong!  It is a difficult thing to know that you are alive and flipping around in your Mom's belly and not know who you are yet!  I can't believe that in just a couple of short weeks we are going to see your face! 

I have done a few things that I hope you like.  I painted your room (I hate painting, which I am sure you'll know by the time you read this) and I even painted stripes!!  I hope you like green or yellow!  If not, we could just move because I'm not re-painting it!  We also have all of your swingy type things setup and ready for your little rump.  I was soooo jealous that I bought a huge rocking chair for your room for your Mom and I.  I had to do something because all I could think about was trying to find a super large, human sized, bouncy seat... couldn't find any by the way!  We have your car seat ready to go in Mama's car (I've kept your presence out of mine, but only due to my GOLF clubs... I know you understand), your stroller is ready to cruise and you have the nicest, most luxurious pack and play a child could ask for... seriously it has more attachments than a first girlfriend.  I have also added a few electronic items to your room so you can have a little bass in your life... The Franklins always feel the beat!

Lastly,  I know that I love you more than I could ever explain.  I hope you know that as you read this, and I hope you know how proud I am to be your Dad.  By the time you read this your old Dad might not be the cool guy anymore, and I understand, but I'll never stop loving you and giving you the best... and that I promise.

Love,

Daddy-O

I feel ya...

I must say, I actually didn't think it was going to happen.  I have been lying to your Mom for the last couple of months because she has been able to feel you kick and she is certain that I should be able to as well.  Let me tell you kiddo, I couldn't...  Your Mom would get sooo mad at me when I couldn't feel you kick, so I just decided to keep her happy and tell her I could feel it, this was a good idea until the first time I really felt you kick.

I'm not going to lie, the first time I felt you move, I was a little creeped out.  I obviously understand how this whole pregnancy thing works, from middle school anatomy class, of course, but when I felt you kick me, through your Mom's stomach, I was a little speechless.  I just never really thought I would be able to feel you that much.  This, of course, took your Mom by surprise because I had been telling her for weeks that I could feel you kick and how cool I thought it was.  I can definitely understand her angst.  Surprisingly, she only snarled at me, then thought it was a little funny.  Honestly, you kick pretty hard!  I hope you're not a lifelong soccer player, or worse a kicker on the football team, although I will support you in whatever you do (besides football kicker)...

I guess this is where I should begin to teach you that you should never lie to your Mom, or anybody for that matter, but by the time you are reading this, I'd guess you have already told a few.  If you are anything like me, you have told a lie or two, only to keep from hurting someone else's feelings, or to keep from getting grounded a time or two!  I truly hope to impress upon you the importance of always knowing the truth about yourself and never letting anyone take that away from you.  It will be difficult, there are a lot of people and things in this world that will work tirelessly to change who and what you are and stand for, but I hope you dont sucumb to the pressures.  Don't keep friends that you must lie to, to apease because someday they won't be your friends and you'd wish that you told them straight to their face!

Keep kicking little one... but please let your Mother sleep!!!

You'll be a bachelor/ bachelorette someday!

So I'm hanging out with your Mom tonight and Monday nights are the worst!  She always makes me watch The Bachelorette, which I really don't enjoy, but tonight made me think of you! 

Since we can't keep the DVR (trust me DVR is cool, it's not some really OLD technology) long enough for you to understand what was going on I'll let you know what happened.  This guy lied to this girl and thought it was funny... how about that for short and sweet!

I learned this a lot later than I should have, but I hope to teach you that there is only one rule in life; "Do the right thing and do it ALL the time!"  I must tell you that I have not always lived up to this and I think about the mistakes that I have made in my life everyday.  I will never be able to take some of the bad things I have done back, but I can attempt to help make you a far better person that I ever was.  If you ever go out of your way to make someone else feel bad, you will never see me more disappointed in you.  I know and hope that this will never happen, but thoughts not said are thoughs wasted...

This ridiculous show made me think of you as a young man, attempting to meet and date young women.  All I can say is DANCE like a madman and love unconditionally; you'll get your heart broken, but never take it out on any women in your life.

I then thought about you as a girl.  I thought of a time when you would be dating (long pause).  I know that there will be someone that is going to treat you right and love you the way that I love your Mom.  I hope your Dziadziu sees in me what I will see in your husband... in 60 years of course!  And I swear I am doing pushups everyday because if any guy thinks he can mess with you, I promise, I will hurt somebody!!!

Always keep an open mind and an open heart.  Don't let anyone treat you like you are less of a person than they are.  Fight for yourself, for the person you are and the family that loves you...

Love always,

Dad

Gentle reminder...

This week has been very different from the first 22 that you were in your Mother's baby maker. For some reason, you decided to stop moving at times, which is definitely a scary thing for the woman that you are growing inside of. This brings up a tricky situation for me because I get the opportunity to have no idea what is going on, yet give advice on how to feel. What a tough job you have bestowed on me...

This, believe it or not, makes me think about a lesson I can try to teach you: Never stop moving in life. I don't mean that you have to move around the world to be relevant, but don't let laziness and boredom keep you from doing anything! Unfortunately I have caught myself taking the easy way out of things and deciding to sit on the couch all weekend rather than taking a roadtrip, going to a "different" restaurant or, my favorite, a street festival.

Maybe the lesson is to go to every street festival you can? You just never know what you'll find. For now, please keep kicking so we can both sleep well!

18 Weeks until Baby Tank comes along!

I want to create a lasting memoir for my first child, and I want this to be something that he/ she can look at when they are older and see the emotions and feelings that I had throughout their life.  I think I can speak for most men when I say, this is not going to be easy! 

You will see a few odd things in my writings.  First, I will most likely refer to my unborn child as Baby Tank, this is because my friends have coined this term and as a man of many nicknames (Frank the Tank, Tanklin, Moe, Big Bird, Baby Huey) I kind of like it.  Second, I am planning on writing a lot of this to my child.  Lastly, I am not a person that holds much back, so beware!  Hopefully, when Baby Tank is old enough to understand, they will get some joy from my words growing with them.

I'm sure most men, especially in their 20-something years, find it hard to express their feelings and emotions... Ugh.  It's even hard for me to type!  I think of myself as a guy's guy... you know, work hard, play hard, do anything for friends and family but also likes to have a beer on the porch from time to time.  This being said, I have found that during my wife's pregnancy, there have been many times that emotions have arisen that are hard to explain, but I will attempt to BLOG them out.  I plan on being candid and open, which I normally am not!  Should be interesting...

Letter #1 to Baby Tank

When I first found out we were having YOU, I was overjoyed... mostly because I found out that (taboo) love making can actually produce something more than a great marital experience!   I hope any guy reading this understands how politically correct I put that!  But it's true, before pregnancy intimate times were more about making my spouse happy and obviously gaining some happiness in return!  It is quite exciting to find out that this time could actually create someone. 

The happiness of being pregnant has not worn off, but questions have begun to fill my mind about having a child... There are the simple ones: What are you going to be? (we are not finding out sex), Who are you going to look like?  Then there are the deeper ones that I really haven't expressed but I think most to-be-dads think about:  Are you going to be a good person?  Will I be proud of you?  Will you be made fun of in middle school?  Will you have good self-esteem?  Will you hate me?  Will you be able to dunk a basketball or catch a football?

Random, I know, but these got me thinking about what really matters when I am raising you.  I hope to search for answers to these questions, but for now, all I know is I can't keep your Mom away from Target and we have a lot to do in your room.